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They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!

They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!




If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.

If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.




...and i should care, why?

...and i should care, why?




0-60 in 15 minutes!

0-60 in 15 minutes!




100 Percent Irony Free

100 Percent Irony Free




100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?

100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?




186,000 Miles/Second: It's Not Just A Good Idea, It's The Law!

186,000 Miles/Second: It's Not Just A Good Idea, It's The Law!




3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.




7 days with out Jesus makes one weak

7 days with out Jesus makes one weak




A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.




A church alive is worth the surprise!!

A church alive is worth the surprise!!




A clean car is a sign if sick mind.

A clean car is a sign if sick mind.




A day without sunshine is like, night.

A day without sunshine is like, night.




A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, You Know, Night

A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, You Know, Night




A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.




A Mouse Is An Elephant Built By The Japanese

A Mouse Is An Elephant Built By The Japanese




A nuclear war can ruin your whole day .

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day .




A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.




A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind

A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind




Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.




According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.




According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.




Adrenalin is my drug of choice.

Adrenalin is my drug of choice.




Adults are just kids with money.

Adults are just kids with money.




Age is a high price to pay for maturity

Age is a high price to pay for maturity




Air Pollution Is A Mist-Demeaner

Air Pollution Is A Mist-Demeaner




Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.




All generalizations are false.

All generalizations are false.




All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.




All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets




All Men Are Idiots... And I Married Their King.

All Men Are Idiots... And I Married Their King.




All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.

All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.




All stressed out and nobody to choke!

All stressed out and nobody to choke!




All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.




Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.




Always Remember: You're Unique, Just Like Everyone Else.

Always Remember: You're Unique, Just Like Everyone Else.




AMERICA... Love It Or Leave It!

AMERICA... Love It Or Leave It!




Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.

Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.




ANGER IS MERELY DEPRESSION WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!

ANGER IS MERELY DEPRESSION WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!




Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education.

Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education.




Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.




Anything Free Is Worth What You Pay For It

Anything Free Is Worth What You Pay For It




Are you following Jesus this close?

Are you following Jesus this close?




As If

As If




As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools.

As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools.




As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.




Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.

Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.




Ask me about my vow of silence.

Ask me about my vow of silence.




Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.

Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.




Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.




Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy

Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy




Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk

Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk




Ax Me About Ebonics

Ax Me About Ebonics




Baby on bored

Baby on bored




Back the badge

Back the badge




Back Up My Hard Drive? How Do I Put It In Reverse?

Back Up My Hard Drive? How Do I Put It In Reverse?




BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!

BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!




BARBIE AIN'T HERE!.

BARBIE AIN'T HERE!.




Be Human.

Be Human.




Be nice society already sucks.

Be nice society already sucks.




Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.




Be Nice To Your Kids; They'll Pick Out Your Nursing Home.

Be Nice To Your Kids; They'll Pick Out Your Nursing Home.




Be the kind of friend you'd want.

Be the kind of friend you'd want.




Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be.

Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be.




Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He will clean them.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He will clean them.




Beam me up Jesus.

Beam me up Jesus.




Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...




BEER, Helping people have sex since 1865.

BEER, Helping people have sex since 1865.




Beer: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.

Beer: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.




Beer: making woman look better since 1965.

Beer: making woman look better since 1965.




Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon

Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon




Before giving someone a piece of mind be sure you have enough to spare!

Before giving someone a piece of mind be sure you have enough to spare!




Behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are two.

Behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are two.




Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.

Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.




Bill Clinton 89 Percent Fact Free

Bill Clinton 89 Percent Fact Free




Bite Me!

Bite Me!




Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.




Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.




Blondes Tease....Brunettes Please....

Blondes Tease....Brunettes Please....




Blow your nose, your horn works fine.

Blow your nose, your horn works fine.




Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel




Boldly Going Nowhere

Boldly Going Nowhere




BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!

BOMB SQUAD: If you see me running you better catch up!




BooYah!

BooYah!




Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.




Boy bands. The spawn of Satan.

Boy bands. The spawn of Satan.




Boycott shampoo, demand real poo instead.

Boycott shampoo, demand real poo instead.




Boys Lie!

Boys Lie!




Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS

Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS




But I Just Can't Get My Head That Far Up My Ass

But I Just Can't Get My Head That Far Up My Ass




Buy a gun support the constitution.

Buy a gun support the constitution.




Buy a gun. Piss off the liberals.

Buy a gun. Piss off the liberals.




Buy American!

Buy American!




Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?

Can I pay my Visa with my MasterCard?




CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!! ??

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!! ??




Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!

Can't Feed 'Em! Don't Breed Em'!




Careful, I'm not wearing clean underwear!

Careful, I'm not wearing clean underwear!




Cat: The Other White Meat

Cat: The Other White Meat




Caution -- Driver Legally Blonde

Caution -- Driver Legally Blonde




CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.

CAUTION I BRAKE FOR HOOKERS.




CAUTION! I drive like you do!

CAUTION! I drive like you do!




Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.

Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.




Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.

Caution: I brake for no apparent reason.




CAUTION: This car will be left behind during rapture.

CAUTION: This car will be left behind during rapture.




Change a life; make someone feel important.

Change a life; make someone feel important.




Change is good...you go first!

Change is good...you go first!




Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine

Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine




Chemistry Professors Never Die, They Just Smell That Way!

Chemistry Professors Never Die, They Just Smell That Way!




Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but everyone else's are horrendous.

Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but everyone else's are horrendous.




Clean up America. Kill a redneck!

Clean up America. Kill a redneck!




Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult




Clones are people 2

Clones are people 2




Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.

Coffee, Chocolate, Men. Some things are just better rich.




Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.




Cole's Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage

Cole's Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage




Conceive. Believe. Achieve.

Conceive. Believe. Achieve.




Condoms are easier to change than diapers!

Condoms are easier to change than diapers!




Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.




Confucious say "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."

Confucious say "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."




Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.




Conserve toilet paper - use both sides.

Conserve toilet paper - use both sides.




Conserve water - Shower with a friend

Conserve water - Shower with a friend




Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.




Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!




Could You Drive Any Better If I Shoved That Cell Phone Up Your Ass?

Could You Drive Any Better If I Shoved That Cell Phone Up Your Ass?




Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes




DANGER: I drive like you do!

DANGER: I drive like you do!




DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.

DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.




DARE to keep the CIA off drugs.

DARE to keep the CIA off drugs.




Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.




Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.




Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.




Death is the consequence of being alive.

Death is the consequence of being alive.




Deep down, divers care.

Deep down, divers care.




Democrats=Beaureaucrats: STUPID

Democrats=Beaureaucrats: STUPID




Despite The Cost Of Living, Have You Noticed How It Remains So Popular?

Despite The Cost Of Living, Have You Noticed How It Remains So Popular?




Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?




DETEST-de stuff de teacher gives de students when ya expect it de least!!!

DETEST-de stuff de teacher gives de students when ya expect it de least!!!




Dewey,Skrewem, & Howe (attorneys at law)

Dewey,Skrewem, & Howe (attorneys at law)




Did you check if your horn works?

Did you check if your horn works?




Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?

Did you just fart or did you always smell that way?




Diplomacy Is Saying ?Nice Doggy? Until You Find A Rock

Diplomacy Is Saying ?Nice Doggy? Until You Find A Rock




Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.




Disappointed? Too bad!

Disappointed? Too bad!




Divers get more tail.

Divers get more tail.




Do I look like a freakin' People Person?

Do I look like a freakin' People Person?




Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.

Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.




Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.




Do not play a leap frog with a unicorn.

Do not play a leap frog with a unicorn.




Do not put a question mark where God put a period.

Do not put a question mark where God put a period.




Do they ever shut up on your planet.

Do they ever shut up on your planet.




Do unto others before they do unto you.

Do unto others before they do unto you.




Do Vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do Vegetarians eat animal crackers?




Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.

Doctor's say I have a multiple personality, but we don't agree with that.




Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?

Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?




D'oh!

D'oh!




Don't Drink And Drive...You Might Hit A Bump And Spill Your Drink.

Don't Drink And Drive...You Might Hit A Bump And Spill Your Drink.




Don't Piss Me Off! I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide The Bodies.

Don't Piss Me Off! I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide The Bodies.




Don't Take Life Too Seriously; You Won't Get Out Alive

Don't Take Life Too Seriously; You Won't Get Out Alive




Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That

Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That




Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.

Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.




Don't believe everything you think.

Don't believe everything you think.




Don't come knocking if the car is rocking.

Don't come knocking if the car is rocking.




Don't delay, paint today

Don't delay, paint today




Don't Drink and Drive!

Don't Drink and Drive!




Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.

Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.




Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.

Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.




Don't drive and derive. Alcohol and calculus don't mix.

Don't drive and derive. Alcohol and calculus don't mix.




Don't f*** with my head and I won't think with my dick!

Don't f*** with my head and I won't think with my dick!




Don't Follow me I am LOST!!!

Don't Follow me I am LOST!!!




Don't judge a book by its movie.

Don't judge a book by its movie.




Don't laugh it's paid for.

Don't laugh it's paid for.




Don't laugh; your daughter may be in back.

Don't laugh; your daughter may be in back.




Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.

Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.




Don't make me go medieval on you.

Don't make me go medieval on you.




Don't miss heaven for the world.

Don't miss heaven for the world.




Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!

Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!




Don't rub the lamp unless you're ready for the genie.

Don't rub the lamp unless you're ready for the genie.




Don't start with me you won't win!

Don't start with me you won't win!




Don't steal, the government hates competition.

Don't steal, the government hates competition.




Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.




Don't trust women.

Don't trust women.




Don't wish for it...work for it.

Don't wish for it...work for it.




Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.

Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.




DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!

DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!




Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION..

Driver carries less than $20 IN AMMUNITION..




Drop Dead

Drop Dead




Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.

Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.




Dyslexics Have More Fnu.

Dyslexics Have More Fnu.




Dyslexics of the world, untie!

Dyslexics of the world, untie!




Dyslexics Untie!

Dyslexics Untie!




E. coli Happens

E. coli Happens




Each day is a gift.

Each day is a gift.




Eagles Don't Flock.

Eagles Don't Flock.




Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.




EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.

EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.




Earth first... We will strip the other planets later.

Earth first... We will strip the other planets later.




Earth Is The Insane Asylum For The Universe

Earth Is The Insane Asylum For The Universe




Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway




Editing Is A Rewording Activity

Editing Is A Rewording Activity




Elvis has left the planet.

Elvis has left the planet.




Elvis Is Dead And I'm Not Feeling Too Good Myself

Elvis Is Dead And I'm Not Feeling Too Good Myself




Energizer Bunny Arrested; Charged With Battery

Energizer Bunny Arrested; Charged With Battery




Enjoy life it's not a dress rehearsal.

Enjoy life it's not a dress rehearsal.




Entropy Isn't What It Used To Be

Entropy Isn't What It Used To Be




Eschew Obfuscation

Eschew Obfuscation




Eschew Obfuscation

Eschew Obfuscation




ESCHEW OBFUSCATION. (means avoid confusion/overcomplication)

ESCHEW OBFUSCATION. (means avoid confusion/overcomplication)




Ever Stop To Think And Forget To Start Again?

Ever Stop To Think And Forget To Start Again?




Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?




Every silver lining has a cloud.

Every silver lining has a cloud.




Every thing is on loan from the government until you can't pay your taxes.

Every thing is on loan from the government until you can't pay your taxes.




Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.

Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.




Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.




Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Don't Have Film.

Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Don't Have Film.




Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion

Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion




Everything i need to know i learned in prison

Everything i need to know i learned in prison




Everything is possible just not too probable.

Everything is possible just not too probable.




Everything Is Somewhere.

Everything Is Somewhere.




Everytime you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.

Everytime you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.




EXIT

EXIT




F U Cn Rd Ths U Cnt Spl Wrth A Dm!

F U Cn Rd Ths U Cnt Spl Wrth A Dm!




Faster than a speeding ticket.

Faster than a speeding ticket.




Fat chicks make my car scrape!

Fat chicks make my car scrape!




Fat people are hard to kidnap.

Fat people are hard to kidnap.




Few women admit their age, few men act it.

Few women admit their age, few men act it.




Fight Socialism...Vote Republican

Fight Socialism...Vote Republican




First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...




Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.




Flies spread disease, keep yours closed!

Flies spread disease, keep yours closed!




FLORIDA: Home of Electile Dysfunction

FLORIDA: Home of Electile Dysfunction




FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we vote then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.

FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we vote then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.




FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.

FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.




FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, And Revote.

FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, And Revote.




FLORIDA: We count more than you do.

FLORIDA: We count more than you do.




FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!




FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.

FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.




FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLIA -- AND STEP ON IT !!

FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLIA -- AND STEP ON IT !!




Follow your dreams, except the one where you're at school in your underwear.

Follow your dreams, except the one where you're at school in your underwear.




For a small town, this one sure has a lot of assholes!

For a small town, this one sure has a lot of assholes!




For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.

For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.




Forbidden fruits create many jams.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.




Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!




Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!




Friends don't let friends drive naked!!

Friends don't let friends drive naked!!




Friends don't let friends miss out on heaven.

Friends don't let friends miss out on heaven.




Friends Help You Move. Real Friends Help You Move Bodies.

Friends Help You Move. Real Friends Help You Move Bodies.




Front bumper -Run, Hilary, Run!

Front bumper -Run, Hilary, Run!




Get over it!

Get over it!




Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.

Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.




GIMMIEABREAK!

GIMMIEABREAK!




Give blood and you too can get a free bumper sticker.

Give blood and you too can get a free bumper sticker.




Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else

Give Me Ambiguity Or Give Me Something Else




Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.

Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.




Go Braless! It will pull the wrinkles from your face.

Go Braless! It will pull the wrinkles from your face.




Go On, I will See You At The Next Light.

Go On, I will See You At The Next Light.




God Bless Our Troops.

God Bless Our Troops.




God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.




God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.

God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.




God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.




God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"




God made Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve.

God made Adam and Eve NOT Adam and Steve.




God Must Love Stupid People, He Made So Many

God Must Love Stupid People, He Made So Many




God must love stupid people...he made so many!

God must love stupid people...he made so many!




God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.

God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts.




Got Brains?

Got Brains?




Got Goth?

Got Goth?




Graduate quickly, millions on welfare depend on you.

Graduate quickly, millions on welfare depend on you.




Graduate Soon! Millions On Welfare Depend On You

Graduate Soon! Millions On Welfare Depend On You




Gravity always gets me down.

Gravity always gets me down.




Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.

Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.




Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!




Grow Your Own Dope, Plant A Man

Grow Your Own Dope, Plant A Man




Growing old is inevitable...Growing up is optional.

Growing old is inevitable...Growing up is optional.




Gun control is a steady hand.

Gun control is a steady hand.




Gun control today, Total control tomorrow.

Gun control today, Total control tomorrow.




Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.

Guns don't kill people. Postal workers do.




Guys: No Shirt, No Service -- Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

Guys: No Shirt, No Service -- Gals: No Shirt, No Charge




Hang up and drive!

Hang up and drive!




Hang up and drive!

Hang up and drive!




HANG-UP & DRIVE

HANG-UP & DRIVE




Happiness is Clinton's face on a milk carton.

Happiness is Clinton's face on a milk carton.




Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!!!

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!!!




Have a nice day... somewhere else.

Have a nice day... somewhere else.




Have you bitch slapped an environmentalist today?

Have you bitch slapped an environmentalist today?




Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu??

Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu??




Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?

Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?




Have you seen Elvis? 1-800-GET-A-LIFE

Have you seen Elvis? 1-800-GET-A-LIFE




HE IS ABLE WHO THINKS HE IS ABLE!

HE IS ABLE WHO THINKS HE IS ABLE!




HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONQUERS YOU.

HE WHO ANGERS YOU, CONQUERS YOU.




He who angers you, controls you!

He who angers you, controls you!




He who farts in church sits on his own pew.

He who farts in church sits on his own pew.




He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit




He who laughs last thinks slowest.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.




He's Not Dead, He's Electroencephalographically-Challenged

He's Not Dead, He's Electroencephalographically-Challenged




Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.




Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.

Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.




Help Stamp Out And Eradicate Superfluous Redundancy

Help Stamp Out And Eradicate Superfluous Redundancy




Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.




HELP, I AM LOST AND CANNOT FIND MY BEER!

HELP, I AM LOST AND CANNOT FIND MY BEER!




Hey dumb ass I bought my own car, not mommy and daddy!

Hey dumb ass I bought my own car, not mommy and daddy!




Hey idiot- You're driving a car, not a phone booth

Hey idiot- You're driving a car, not a phone booth




Hey man, you live in America now... speak Spanish!

Hey man, you live in America now... speak Spanish!




High beams were made to piss people off!

High beams were made to piss people off!




Hogwarts Dropout

Hogwarts Dropout




HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.

HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.




Honk If Anything Falls Off

Honk If Anything Falls Off




Honk if I'm Jesus!

Honk if I'm Jesus!




Honk if you are blond.

Honk if you are blond.




Honk if you hate noise pollution!

Honk if you hate noise pollution!




Honk if you haven't slept with Clinton!

Honk if you haven't slept with Clinton!




Honk if you like peace and quiet.

Honk if you like peace and quiet.




Honk if you love boy bands - then drive into a tree.

Honk if you love boy bands - then drive into a tree.




HONK IF YOU LOVE GORE (use the button on your steering wheel)

HONK IF YOU LOVE GORE (use the button on your steering wheel)




Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet

Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet




Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.




Honk if you love Rush.

Honk if you love Rush.




Honk If You Want To See My Finger

Honk If You Want To See My Finger




Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window




Hope dies last!

Hope dies last!




Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.




House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.




Housework makes women ugly.

Housework makes women ugly.




How about never? is never good for you?

How about never? is never good for you?




How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?




How can I miss you if you won't go away?

How can I miss you if you won't go away?




How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?




How may i ignore you today?

How may i ignore you today?




How's my driving? Dial 1-800-YOU-SUCK

How's my driving? Dial 1-800-YOU-SUCK




huked on foniks werkd fer me

huked on foniks werkd fer me




Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!




I admire gay men, they leave more women for me!

I admire gay men, they leave more women for me!




I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.




I am not speeding I am qualifying.

I am not speeding I am qualifying.




I am overjoyed with whelm!

I am overjoyed with whelm!




I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Chedum, and Howe.

I am represented by the Law Firm of Dewey, Chedum, and Howe.




I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.

I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.




I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.

I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.




I brake for no apparent reason.

I brake for no apparent reason.




I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.




I brake for?wait?AAAH!?NO BRAKES!!!!!

I brake for?wait?AAAH!?NO BRAKES!!!!!




I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.

I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds.




I can handle pain until it hurts.

I can handle pain until it hurts.




I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.




i can resist everything except temptation.

i can resist everything except temptation.




I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.

I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.




I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.




I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To




I do work for food.

I do work for food.




I Don't Have To Be Dead To Donate My Organ

I Don't Have To Be Dead To Donate My Organ




I Don't Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It

I Don't Suffer From Insanity, I Enjoy Every Minute Of It




I don't decaf

I don't decaf




I don't do mornings.

I don't do mornings.




I don't do requests.

I don't do requests.




I DON'T DRINK IT DULLS THE DRUGS.

I DON'T DRINK IT DULLS THE DRUGS.




I don't drive fast I fly low.

I don't drive fast I fly low.




I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.




I don't have a license to kill, I have a learner's permit.

I don't have a license to kill, I have a learner's permit.




I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.

I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.




I don't repeat gossip.

I don't repeat gossip.




I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!




I drank what?

I drank what?




I Drive Like This To Piss You Off

I Drive Like This To Piss You Off




I drive like this to piss you off!

I drive like this to piss you off!




I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.




I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe

I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe




I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.




I fish! Therefore, I lie.

I fish! Therefore, I lie.




I gave up drugs, sex and booze...it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

I gave up drugs, sex and booze...it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.




I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushin' My Luck

I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushin' My Luck




I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!




I Got A Gun For My Wife; Best Trade I Ever Made.

I Got A Gun For My Wife; Best Trade I Ever Made.




I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.

I got this car for my wife...not a bad trade.




I hate bumper stickers!

I hate bumper stickers!




I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.

I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.




I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it.

I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it.




I have BAD PMS and GOOD BRAKES.... you must be feeling very lucky today.

I have BAD PMS and GOOD BRAKES.... you must be feeling very lucky today.




I have no desire for money. Its stuff that i want.

I have no desire for money. Its stuff that i want.




I have PMS and a handgun. Any Questions??

I have PMS and a handgun. Any Questions??




I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha

I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha




I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.

I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.




I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.




I just filled up my car with gasoline. Now it's worth $50.00

I just filled up my car with gasoline. Now it's worth $50.00




I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Was Unfamiliar Territory

I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Was Unfamiliar Territory




I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.




I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.




I just love nonverbal communication!

I just love nonverbal communication!




I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.

I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.




I Know What You're Thinking And You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself.

I Know What You're Thinking And You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself.




I know...I know...pull over

I know...I know...pull over




I laughed my butt off and I had a few inches to spare. Thanks!!

I laughed my butt off and I had a few inches to spare. Thanks!!




I laughed my butt off and I had a few inches to spare. Thanks!! This was better than any diet I've ever been on.

I laughed my butt off and I had a few inches to spare. Thanks!! This was better than any diet I've ever been on.




I left the womb for this?

I left the womb for this?




I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken.

I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken.




I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.




I love animals - they taste great!

I love animals - they taste great!




I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.

I love animals. I eat them and wear their skins.




I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.




I love my country but fear my government.

I love my country but fear my government.




I love my job...shoot me now!

I love my job...shoot me now!




I love uranus.

I love uranus.




I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!.

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!.




I may be slow; but I'm ahead of you.

I may be slow; but I'm ahead of you.




I may have PMS, but you're still a dick!!

I may have PMS, but you're still a dick!!




I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.

I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.




I Must Be A Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes

I Must Be A Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes




I must hurry, for there they go and i am their leader.

I must hurry, for there they go and i am their leader.




I Need Someone Really Bad. Are You Really Bad?

I Need Someone Really Bad. Are You Really Bad?




I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go.

I owe, I owe, so it's off to work I go.




I press charges

I press charges




I pretend to work they pretend to pay me!

I pretend to work they pretend to pay me!




I put in contacts for this?

I put in contacts for this?




I see dumb people.

I see dumb people.




I should never have invented the electoral college. -Al Gore

I should never have invented the electoral college. -Al Gore




i souport publik edekasion

i souport publik edekasion




I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving.

I still miss my ex-wife. But my aim is improving.




I swerve for cats.

I swerve for cats.




I talk to strangers

I talk to strangers




I Think Feminists Are Cute!

I Think Feminists Are Cute!




I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.




I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.

I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.




I think, therefore I'm dangerous

I think, therefore I'm dangerous




I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?

I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?




I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.




I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.




I Took An IQ Test And The Results Were Negative.

I Took An IQ Test And The Results Were Negative.




I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.




I tried being normal once . . .I didn't like it.

I tried being normal once . . .I didn't like it.




I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...




I Used To Be Indecisive. Now I'm Not Sure

I Used To Be Indecisive. Now I'm Not Sure




I Used To Have A Handle On Life, But It Broke.

I Used To Have A Handle On Life, But It Broke.




I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.




I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.




I used up all my sick days so I called in dead!

I used up all my sick days so I called in dead!




I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....




I WANT YOU to stay far away from me

I WANT YOU to stay far away from me




I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.

I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.




I Was Born Brilliant; Education Ruined Me

I Was Born Brilliant; Education Ruined Me




I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime!

I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime!




I wish I lived in New York, so I could have Voted Against Hilary!

I wish I lived in New York, so I could have Voted Against Hilary!




I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.

I Wish I Was Barbie. That Bitch has EVERYTHING.




I wish I were a glow worm a glow worm is never glum, because how could you be unhappy when the sun shines out your bum?

I wish I were a glow worm a glow worm is never glum, because how could you be unhappy when the sun shines out your bum?




I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.




I Wonder How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges

I Wonder How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges




I wonder if you would drive well if that cell phone were up your ass.

I wonder if you would drive well if that cell phone were up your ass.




I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend On Me

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend On Me




I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.




I'm insured by the mafia, you hit me and we'll hit you.

I'm insured by the mafia, you hit me and we'll hit you.




I'm Just Driving This Way To Piss You Off.

I'm Just Driving This Way To Piss You Off.




I'm Not A Complete Idiot; Some Parts Are Missing.

I'm Not A Complete Idiot; Some Parts Are Missing.




I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed ? What More Do You Want?

I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed ? What More Do You Want?




I'd love to trade caller I.D. for "Caller I.Q."

I'd love to trade caller I.D. for "Caller I.Q."




I'd rather be a failure at something i love, than a success at something i hate.

I'd rather be a failure at something i love, than a success at something i hate.




I'd rather be fishing!

I'd rather be fishing!




Idiots surround me!

Idiots surround me!




If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.




If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.




If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.




If at first you don't succeed, skydiving ain't for you.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving ain't for you.




If at first you don't succeed, try not to look astonished.

If at first you don't succeed, try not to look astonished.




If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?




If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.




If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.




If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.

If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.




If God intended us to be vegetarians, why did he make animals out of meat?

If God intended us to be vegetarians, why did he make animals out of meat?




If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.

If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.




If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.




If It Ain't Broken... Fix It ?Til It Is

If It Ain't Broken... Fix It ?Til It Is




If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.




If it is a man made world, why can't we remake it?

If it is a man made world, why can't we remake it?




If it isn't broken...fix it until it is!

If it isn't broken...fix it until it is!




If it weren't for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.

If it weren't for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.




IF ITS TOO LOUD YOUR TOO OLD

IF ITS TOO LOUD YOUR TOO OLD




If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?

If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?




If life hands you a lemon, stuff your bra with it.

If life hands you a lemon, stuff your bra with it.




If life is just a game then I must have missed the kickoff.

If life is just a game then I must have missed the kickoff.




If life's an idiot then you must the god.

If life's an idiot then you must the god.




If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?

If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?




If my car were a horse, I'd have to shoot it.

If my car were a horse, I'd have to shoot it.




If something goes without saying - LET IT!

If something goes without saying - LET IT!




If the company's name is YELLOW, why are the trucks painted ORANGE?

If the company's name is YELLOW, why are the trucks painted ORANGE?




If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?




If We All Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

If We All Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?




If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.




If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?




If we outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns.

If we outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns.




If we weren't meant to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat.

If we weren't meant to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat.




If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.




If you are reading this you are reading off a gay internet site...

If you are reading this you are reading off a gay internet site...




If you can do the time, you can do the crime.

If you can do the time, you can do the crime.




If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.

If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.




If you can read this I can deploy your air bag!!!

If you can read this I can deploy your air bag!!!




If you can read this I have lost my caravan.

If you can read this I have lost my caravan.




If you can read this sign you must be a Florida Republican.

If you can read this sign you must be a Florida Republican.




If you can read this the bitch fell off.

If you can read this the bitch fell off.




If you can read this you are too close..

If you can read this you are too close..




If you can read this you're in range.

If you can read this you're in range.




If you can read this, I am parked.

If you can read this, I am parked.




If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!




If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.




If you can read this, roll me over.

If you can read this, roll me over.




If you can read this, THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!

If you can read this, THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!




If you can read this,you were hooked on phonics once...

If you can read this,you were hooked on phonics once...




If you can read this. thank a teacher.

If you can read this. thank a teacher.




If you can read this... I've lost my trailer!

If you can read this... I've lost my trailer!




If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.




If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.




If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.




If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.




If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.




iF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE TAKE A HIKE!

iF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE TAKE A HIKE!




If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?




If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my stickers!

If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my stickers!




If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.




If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.




If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.




If you feel attacked by feminism, it's probably a counter attack.

If you feel attacked by feminism, it's probably a counter attack.




If you get any closer I'll fart!

If you get any closer I'll fart!




If you have something to say, raise your hand. and place it over your mouth.

If you have something to say, raise your hand. and place it over your mouth.




If you smoke after s e x you're doing it too fast.

If you smoke after s e x you're doing it too fast.




If You Think I'm A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother

If You Think I'm A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother




If you think the car is dirty you should spend a night with the driver!

If you think the car is dirty you should spend a night with the driver!




If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...your aiming too high.

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...your aiming too high.




If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!

If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!




If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.

If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.




If you write "WASH ME" on my truck, I'll carve "RECESSITATE ME" on your chest!!!

If you write "WASH ME" on my truck, I'll carve "RECESSITATE ME" on your chest!!!




If your gonna be a turd then go lie out in the yard.

If your gonna be a turd then go lie out in the yard.




If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!

If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!




If your stupid and you know it honk your horn.

If your stupid and you know it honk your horn.




If you're against logging, try wiping your ass with plastic.

If you're against logging, try wiping your ass with plastic.




If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.




I'll not stop

I'll not stop




Illiterate? Write For Free Help

Illiterate? Write For Free Help




I'm a member of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. Keep honking I'm reloading.

I'm a member of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy. Keep honking I'm reloading.




I'm against ABORTION because I was once a fetus.

I'm against ABORTION because I was once a fetus.




I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.




I'm an optimist, but I don't think it helps.

I'm an optimist, but I don't think it helps.




I'm back by popular demand.

I'm back by popular demand.




I'm feeling uppity

I'm feeling uppity




I'm leaving my body to science fiction

I'm leaving my body to science fiction




I'm looking forward to regretting this!

I'm looking forward to regretting this!




I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.

I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.




I'm not as dumb as you look.

I'm not as dumb as you look.




I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.




I'm not driving fast-just flying low.

I'm not driving fast-just flying low.




I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.

I'm not littering.... I'm donating to the earth.




I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV.

I'm not really a driver I just play one on TV.




Im not tailgating im just tring to keep my bumper on.

Im not tailgating im just tring to keep my bumper on.




I'm not your monkey

I'm not your monkey




I'm objective; I object to everything.

I'm objective; I object to everything.




I'm only a hypochondriac when I feel sick.

I'm only a hypochondriac when I feel sick.




I'm only driving this way to piss you off.

I'm only driving this way to piss you off.




I'm only here to ANNOY!!

I'm only here to ANNOY!!




I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?




I'm serious; it was a joke.

I'm serious; it was a joke.




I'm so hungry I am farting fresh air.

I'm so hungry I am farting fresh air.




I'm the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from.

I'm the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from.




I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.




I'm with the band.

I'm with the band.




I'm wondering if you have any horns with goofy songs?

I'm wondering if you have any horns with goofy songs?




Impeach President Clinton and her husband too.

Impeach President Clinton and her husband too.




Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".




In God we trust; all others must pay cash.

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.




In theory, everything works.

In theory, everything works.




Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.

Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.




Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids!

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids!




Instead of concentrating on this bumper sticker, maybe you should be concentrating on the road!

Instead of concentrating on this bumper sticker, maybe you should be concentrating on the road!




IRS: We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got.

IRS: We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got.




It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?

It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?




It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.




It Is As Bad As You Think, And They Are Out To Get You.

It Is As Bad As You Think, And They Are Out To Get You.




It takes a Viking to raze a village.

It takes a Viking to raze a village.




It takes more faith to believe that I came from a monkey than to believe that I came from God.

It takes more faith to believe that I came from a monkey than to believe that I came from God.




It took 40 years to make me look this good.

It took 40 years to make me look this good.




It's been one of those days all week

It's been one of those days all week




It's Lonely At The Top, But You Eat Better.

It's Lonely At The Top, But You Eat Better.




It's a Macintosh; it's got an excuse.

It's a Macintosh; it's got an excuse.




It's a wonderful life.... With me.

It's a wonderful life.... With me.




It's all a pigment of your hallucination.

It's all a pigment of your hallucination.




Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye.




Its always too early to quit.

Its always too early to quit.




It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.




It's bad luck to be superstitious.

It's bad luck to be superstitious.




It's been Monday all week.

It's been Monday all week.




It's easier to child-proof your gun than to bullet-proof your child.

It's easier to child-proof your gun than to bullet-proof your child.




It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.




It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.




Its not that i'm afraid to die. I just don't wanna be there when it happens.

Its not that i'm afraid to die. I just don't wanna be there when it happens.




It's not the size of the boat that matters; it's the motion in the ocean.

It's not the size of the boat that matters; it's the motion in the ocean.




It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog!

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog!




It's time to pull over and let the air out of your brain.

It's time to pull over and let the air out of your brain.




I've been dieting for the past month, but all I lost was 31 days!!

I've been dieting for the past month, but all I lost was 31 days!!




I've forgotten more than I've ever learned

I've forgotten more than I've ever learned




I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.

I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.




I've lost my phone number - can I have yours?

I've lost my phone number - can I have yours?




I've lowered my expectations to the point where they've already been met.

I've lowered my expectations to the point where they've already been met.




I've upped my standards, now up yours!

I've upped my standards, now up yours!




Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician




Jerry's dead, Phish sucks, get a job.

Jerry's dead, Phish sucks, get a job.




Jesus Is Coming! Look Busy!

Jesus Is Coming! Look Busy!




Jesus is coming... Look busy.

Jesus is coming... Look busy.




Jesus loves you, but everyone else still thinks you're an ass hole.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else still thinks you're an ass hole.




Jesus saves lives and them redeems them for valuable prizes.

Jesus saves lives and them redeems them for valuable prizes.




Jesus Saves? He Passes It To Gretzky? He Shoots? He Scores!

Jesus Saves? He Passes It To Gretzky? He Shoots? He Scores!




Join the IRS (Be audit you can be)

Join the IRS (Be audit you can be)




Judge me all u want. Just keep the verdict to yourself!

Judge me all u want. Just keep the verdict to yourself!




Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.




Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.

Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.




Just say no to sex with pro-lifers.

Just say no to sex with pro-lifers.




Keep America clean...swallow your beer cans.

Keep America clean...swallow your beer cans.




Keep honking, I am reloading!.

Keep honking, I am reloading!.




Kevorkian for Surgeon General

Kevorkian for Surgeon General




Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause kids.

Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause kids.




Kiss me, i'm toxic

Kiss me, i'm toxic




Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.




Laugh and the world laughs with you cry and the world laughs at you.

Laugh and the world laughs with you cry and the world laughs at you.




Laughter, cries and all that is wise...

Laughter, cries and all that is wise...




Learn from your parent's mistakes use birth control!

Learn from your parent's mistakes use birth control!




Lets get along with me.

Lets get along with me.




Life is 10 Percent what you make it and 90 Percent how you take it.

Life is 10 Percent what you make it and 90 Percent how you take it.




Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.

Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.




Life is a lesson you'll learn it when you're through.

Life is a lesson you'll learn it when you're through.




Life is a terminal disease.

Life is a terminal disease.




Life is just one of those things.

Life is just one of those things.




Life is like a straw it sucks.

Life is like a straw it sucks.




Life is not a garden, so quit being a hoe!

Life is not a garden, so quit being a hoe!




Life is too complicated in the morning.

Life is too complicated in the morning.




Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.

Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.




Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.

Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.




Life Sucks. and it leaves some mean hickies

Life Sucks. and it leaves some mean hickies




Life. Its just a cereal

Life. Its just a cereal




Life's a beach, and then you drown.

Life's a beach, and then you drown.




Life's a bitch, and then you die.

Life's a bitch, and then you die.




Life's a garden, dig it.

Life's a garden, dig it.




Life's expensive; drive defensive.

Life's expensive; drive defensive.




Life's too short to dance with ugly men/women.

Life's too short to dance with ugly men/women.




Life's way too short to stay on topic

Life's way too short to stay on topic




Listen to the silence!!

Listen to the silence!!




Live as long as you like. It won't shorten how long you're dead.

Live as long as you like. It won't shorten how long you're dead.




Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse behind.

Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse behind.




Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.

Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.




Look before you open your eyes.

Look before you open your eyes.




Look out! Behind you!

Look out! Behind you!




Lord, please save me from your followers.

Lord, please save me from your followers.




Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.




Love for all, Hatred for none

Love for all, Hatred for none




Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.

Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.




LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.

LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.




Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.




Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.




Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!

Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!




Man made beer, God made pot you make the choice.

Man made beer, God made pot you make the choice.




Maybe Jesus Loves You, But Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole

Maybe Jesus Loves You, But Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole




Mean people suck.

Mean people suck.




Men are idiots and i married their king.

Men are idiots and i married their king.




Men are like outhouse's, always taken or full of shit!

Men are like outhouse's, always taken or full of shit!




Men are like roses, watch out for all of the pricks.

Men are like roses, watch out for all of the pricks.




Men are proof that women have a sense of humor.

Men are proof that women have a sense of humor.




MEN. bigger. stronger. better.

MEN. bigger. stronger. better.




Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!

Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!




Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.

Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.




Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you they can't laugh either.

Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you they can't laugh either.




Mistakes are proof that you are trying.

Mistakes are proof that you are trying.




Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch




Montana --- At least our cows are sane!

Montana --- At least our cows are sane!




More people I meet, more I like my dog....

More people I meet, more I like my dog....




Most Americans have Faith... You can tell by the Way They Drive

Most Americans have Faith... You can tell by the Way They Drive




Most people plan to serve God at 11:00 and die at 10:30!

Most people plan to serve God at 11:00 and die at 10:30!




Musicians Duet Better

Musicians Duet Better




My boss is like a diaper, full of shit and always on my ass!

My boss is like a diaper, full of shit and always on my ass!




My boss treats me like a mushroom; He feeds me shit, and keeps me in the dark.

My boss treats me like a mushroom; He feeds me shit, and keeps me in the dark.




My child beat up your honor student!

My child beat up your honor student!




My child is an honor student at the state penitentiary.

My child is an honor student at the state penitentiary.




My child sold your HONOR STUDENT the answers to the test.

My child sold your HONOR STUDENT the answers to the test.




My child was inmate of the month at the County Jail.

My child was inmate of the month at the County Jail.




My favorite color is chocolate.

My favorite color is chocolate.




My god can beat up your god

My god can beat up your god




My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.




My IQ came back negative!

My IQ came back negative!




My karma ran over your dogma.

My karma ran over your dogma.




My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.




My Kid Had Sex With Your Honor Student

My Kid Had Sex With Your Honor Student




My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.




My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.




My other auto is a 9MM.

My other auto is a 9MM.




My other car is a piece of shit.

My other car is a piece of shit.




My other car sticker is funny.

My other car sticker is funny.




My other ride is your mom

My other ride is your mom




My other toy has tits.

My other toy has tits.




My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!




My Reality Check Just Bounced

My Reality Check Just Bounced




My son can kick your son's honor student butt.

My son can kick your son's honor student butt.




My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.




My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.

My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.




My wife said if I watch one more Yankees game she is leaving. God I'll miss her.

My wife said if I watch one more Yankees game she is leaving. God I'll miss her.




National Atheist's Day April 1

National Atheist's Day April 1




Never cut what you can untie.

Never cut what you can untie.




Never eat more than you can lift.

Never eat more than you can lift.




Never judge a girl by her bumper sticker.

Never judge a girl by her bumper sticker.




Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.




Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.




No glove no love.

No glove no love.




No matter how bad it gets, It can always get worse.

No matter how bad it gets, It can always get worse.




No matter where you go; you're there.

No matter where you go; you're there.




No prohibiting allowed!

No prohibiting allowed!




No Radio - Already Stolen!

No Radio - Already Stolen!




No Sense Being Pessimistic. It Wouldn't Work Anyway

No Sense Being Pessimistic. It Wouldn't Work Anyway




No soup for you..

No soup for you..




Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.

Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.




Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!

Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!




Non-Partisan. Non-Republican.

Non-Partisan. Non-Republican.




Not a RULES type of girl.

Not a RULES type of girl.




Not all who wander are lost.

Not all who wander are lost.




Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car

Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car




Nothing Is Foolproof To A Sufficiently-Talented Fool

Nothing Is Foolproof To A Sufficiently-Talented Fool




Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.




Nothing is impossible to the person that doesn't have to do it.

Nothing is impossible to the person that doesn't have to do it.




Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper... Wanna Get Married?!?!?!

Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper... Wanna Get Married?!?!?!




Nuke the Whales.

Nuke the Whales.




Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.




Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!




Oh look! just 2,852,677 more days til i start caring what you think.

Oh look! just 2,852,677 more days til i start caring what you think.




Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.

Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.




Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?




Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?




On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers

On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers




One more repo and I'll be debt free!

One more repo and I'll be debt free!




Only in America can a Vietnam Vet live in a cardboard box on the street and a draft dodger live in the White House.

Only in America can a Vietnam Vet live in a cardboard box on the street and a draft dodger live in the White House.




Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.

Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.




Out Of My Mind; Back In Five Minutes

Out Of My Mind; Back In Five Minutes




Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!

Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!




Overpopulation... too much of a good thing.

Overpopulation... too much of a good thing.




Pain is inevitable misery is optional.

Pain is inevitable misery is optional.




Pardon My Driving. I'm Reloading

Pardon My Driving. I'm Reloading




Park in rear

Park in rear




Pay good teachers good money

Pay good teachers good money




People before profits!

People before profits!




People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.

People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.




Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.




Please don't hit me I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.

Please don't hit me I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.




Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.

Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.




Please! do not feed the ego!

Please! do not feed the ego!




Police line. DO NOT CROSS.

Police line. DO NOT CROSS.




Pol-I-Tics poli meaning many, ticks meaning small blood sucking parasites.

Pol-I-Tics poli meaning many, ticks meaning small blood sucking parasites.




Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.

Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.




Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.




Proud mother of a delinquent child!

Proud mother of a delinquent child!




Pull my finger.

Pull my finger.




Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.




Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.




Quiet brain! or I'll poke you with another Q-tip.

Quiet brain! or I'll poke you with another Q-tip.




Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.




Rap Is To Music What Etch-A-Sketch Is To Art

Rap Is To Music What Etch-A-Sketch Is To Art




Real Men Love Jesus!

Real Men Love Jesus!




Real women don't have hot flashes they have power surges.

Real women don't have hot flashes they have power surges.




Reality Is A Crutch For People Who Can't Handle Drugs.

Reality Is A Crutch For People Who Can't Handle Drugs.




Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.




Reality is a figment of your imagination.

Reality is a figment of your imagination.




Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.




RECYCLE YOUR ANIMALS

RECYCLE YOUR ANIMALS




Rehab is for quitters.

Rehab is for quitters.




RELISH TODAY...KETCHEUP TOMORROW

RELISH TODAY...KETCHEUP TOMORROW




Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 MPH Are Also Timed For 70 MPH.

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 MPH Are Also Timed For 70 MPH.




Remember My Name ? You'll Be Screaming It Later

Remember My Name ? You'll Be Screaming It Later




Remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Remember you're unique, just like everyone else.




Repetition is always better the second time.

Repetition is always better the second time.




S.A.S.R. - Speeders Against Ski Racks

S.A.S.R. - Speeders Against Ski Racks




S.C.A.R.Y. (Southern Citizens Advocating the Relocation of Yankees)

S.C.A.R.Y. (Southern Citizens Advocating the Relocation of Yankees)




S.O.B.E.R. - Sick Of Banning Everyone's Rights

S.O.B.E.R. - Sick Of Banning Everyone's Rights




Santa's Elves Are Just A Bunch Of Subordinate Clauses

Santa's Elves Are Just A Bunch Of Subordinate Clauses




Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.




Save a tree, eat a beaver.

Save a tree, eat a beaver.




Save on gas, go fart in a jar.

Save on gas, go fart in a jar.




Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.

Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.




Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.




Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set

Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set




Save Your Breath ? You'll Need It To Blow Up Your Date!

Save Your Breath ? You'll Need It To Blow Up Your Date!




Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!




Say say NO thank you.

Say say NO thank you.




Scixelsyd Etinu (backward)

Scixelsyd Etinu (backward)




Screw you guys, I'm going home!

Screw you guys, I'm going home!




Seen It All, Done It All, Can't Remember Most Of It

Seen It All, Done It All, Can't Remember Most Of It




Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."

Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."




Sex is a misdemeanor . . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!

Sex is a misdemeanor . . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!




She's Always Late. Her Ancestors Arrived On The June Flower

She's Always Late. Her Ancestors Arrived On The June Flower




Sheesh!

Sheesh!




Short Chicks rock!

Short Chicks rock!




Simplify

Simplify




Sleep well Mum.

Sleep well Mum.




Slow thinkers keep right.

Slow thinkers keep right.




Smile and at nice.

Smile and at nice.




Smile and the world smiles with you, Fart and you stand alone.

Smile and the world smiles with you, Fart and you stand alone.




Smile. It's The Second Best Thing You Can Do With Your Lips.

Smile. It's The Second Best Thing You Can Do With Your Lips.




Smile.........show off your teeth.

Smile.........show off your teeth.




SNIPER BAR & GRILL: All you need is one shot!

SNIPER BAR & GRILL: All you need is one shot!




so close to read it!

so close to read it!




So many cats.... So little time.

So many cats.... So little time.




So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time




So you're a feminist - isn't that cute!

So you're a feminist - isn't that cute!




Some have morals; some don't, and most simply ignore them.

Some have morals; some don't, and most simply ignore them.




Some People Are Alive Only Because It's Illegal To Kill Them

Some People Are Alive Only Because It's Illegal To Kill Them




Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.




Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!




Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.




Sorry, you are not a winner

Sorry, you are not a winner




Spank Me!

Spank Me!




Spare the fenders, save the trees, give the sober friend the keys.

Spare the fenders, save the trees, give the sober friend the keys.




Squirrel...it's what's for dinner.

Squirrel...it's what's for dinner.




sticker and watch the road!!!")

sticker and watch the road!!!")




Stop global whining.

Stop global whining.




Stop Reading My Bumper Stickers and DRIVE!!

Stop Reading My Bumper Stickers and DRIVE!!




Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!




Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.




Study long study wrong.

Study long study wrong.




Stupid is as stupid does.

Stupid is as stupid does.




Stupid should hurt!

Stupid should hurt!




Stupidity should be punished.

Stupidity should be punished.




Stupify

Stupify




Suburbia: Where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them.

Suburbia: Where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them.




Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit!!!!!

Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit!!!!!




Super Bowl is french for...sitting on your ass and getting fat.

Super Bowl is french for...sitting on your ass and getting fat.




Support a cause stop plate tectonics.

Support a cause stop plate tectonics.




Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.

Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.




Support publik edekasion

Support publik edekasion




Support yogurt, it's the only culture some people have.

Support yogurt, it's the only culture some people have.




Surgeon Generals Warning: Smoking is bad for you. You always known that, just like everybody else. So if you do it for 20 or 30 years, don't come crying to the courts if it makes you sick. How stupid

Surgeon Generals Warning: Smoking is bad for you. You always known that, just like everybody else. So if you do it for 20 or 30 years, don't come crying to the courts if it makes you sick. How stupid




T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.

T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.




Take me drunk I' m home.

Take me drunk I' m home.




Talk only if you can improve on the silence.

Talk only if you can improve on the silence.




Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either!

Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either!




Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.

Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.




Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist.

Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist.




Tennis players have fuzzy balls.

Tennis players have fuzzy balls.




Thank You...YOU MAY GO!!

Thank You...YOU MAY GO!!




Thanks for being a contestant.

Thanks for being a contestant.




That's all I'm saying and I ain't saying no more.

That's all I'm saying and I ain't saying no more.




The American Dream is a chicken in every pot. Why did we elect a chicken that smoked pot?

The American Dream is a chicken in every pot. Why did we elect a chicken that smoked pot?




The beatings will continue until employee morale improves.

The beatings will continue until employee morale improves.




The beatings will continue until morale improves.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.




The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.

The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.




The buck doesn't even slow down here.

The buck doesn't even slow down here.




The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.




The Earth Is Full - Go Home

The Earth Is Full - Go Home




The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name




The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.




The good thing about small cars is that you can fit twice as many into a traffic jam.

The good thing about small cars is that you can fit twice as many into a traffic jam.




The horn blows does the driver!

The horn blows does the driver!




The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.




The Lord made us all different... Democrats want to make us all the same!

The Lord made us all different... Democrats want to make us all the same!




The meek will Internet the world.

The meek will Internet the world.




The more I learn, the less I understand.

The more I learn, the less I understand.




The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.




The More You Complain, The Longer God Makes You Live.

The More You Complain, The Longer God Makes You Live.




The more you listen, the more you know.

The more you listen, the more you know.




The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.

The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.




The princess is in.

The princess is in.




The road to hell is paved with democrats!

The road to hell is paved with democrats!




The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography




The Second Place Is The First Loser

The Second Place Is The First Loser




The Sex Was So Good That Even The Neighbors Had A Cigarette.

The Sex Was So Good That Even The Neighbors Had A Cigarette.




The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield.

The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield.




The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.




The squeaky wheel is often replaced.

The squeaky wheel is often replaced.




The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.




There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't




There are only three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't.

There are only three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't.




There are only two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead!!!!

There are only two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead!!!!




There are only two things in life you can count on: Death and Taxes.

There are only two things in life you can count on: Death and Taxes.




There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it..

There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it..




There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going.

There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going.




They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.




They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.

They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.




They told me I was gullible...then they took it out of the dictionary.

They told me I was gullible...then they took it out of the dictionary.




They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!

They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!




THINK before you ACT.

THINK before you ACT.




This car is constipated: hasn't passed a thing all day!

This car is constipated: hasn't passed a thing all day!




This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.

This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.




This car is protected by an anti-theft sticker!

This car is protected by an anti-theft sticker!




This is not an abandoned car.

This is not an abandoned car.




This is the rebel base.

This is the rebel base.




This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one yet..

This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one yet..




This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.

This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.




This was better than any diet I've ever been on.

This was better than any diet I've ever been on.




This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.

This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.




This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me




Those Who Live By The Sword Get Shot By Those Who Don't

Those Who Live By The Sword Get Shot By Those Who Don't




Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.




Time Circles: The Lord Creates The Universe Evolves The Lord

Time Circles: The Lord Creates The Universe Evolves The Lord




Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.




Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.




Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.




Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.




Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.




To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.




To all you virgins; thanks for nothing!

To all you virgins; thanks for nothing!




To be loved, be lovable

To be loved, be lovable




To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.

To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.




To err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy.

To err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy.




To you it's a six-pack; to me it's a support group.

To you it's a six-pack; to me it's a support group.




Today's subliminal message is: ( )

Today's subliminal message is: ( )




Too many freaks, not enough circus's!

Too many freaks, not enough circus's!




Try it sober!

Try it sober!




Turn Signals: Not just for smart people anymore.

Turn Signals: Not just for smart people anymore.




Unless You're A Hemorrhoid, STAY OFF MY ASS!

Unless You're A Hemorrhoid, STAY OFF MY ASS!




Unlike online, in reality, you can't hit the back button.

Unlike online, in reality, you can't hit the back button.




Vegetarian: Indian word for BAD HUNTER!

Vegetarian: Indian word for BAD HUNTER!




Very Funny, Scotty. Now Beam Up My Clothes.

Very Funny, Scotty. Now Beam Up My Clothes.




visualize whirled peas

visualize whirled peas




Vote BUSH/CHENEY

Vote BUSH/CHENEY




Want to be somebody? Don't drive after drinking.

Want to be somebody? Don't drive after drinking.




Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship




Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.




WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.

WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.




WARNING: mental backup in progress.

WARNING: mental backup in progress.




Was today really necessary?

Was today really necessary?




WATCH OUT! COMING THROUGH!

WATCH OUT! COMING THROUGH!




We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.




We are having EVER so much fun!

We are having EVER so much fun!




We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.




WE ARE MICROSOFT. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.

WE ARE MICROSOFT. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.




We are the people our parents warned us about.

We are the people our parents warned us about.




We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?




Welcome to California. Now go home!

Welcome to California. Now go home!




Welcome to reality...come again soon.

Welcome to reality...come again soon.




Welcome To Shit Creek ? Sorry, We're Out Of Paddles

Welcome To Shit Creek ? Sorry, We're Out Of Paddles




Well, isn't that special!

Well, isn't that special!




What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?




What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?




What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?

What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?




wHAT IS THIS? BIZARROLAND??

wHAT IS THIS? BIZARROLAND??




What part of http://www.getalife.com do you not understand?

What part of http://www.getalife.com do you not understand?




WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO!

WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO!




What would Xena Do?

What would Xena Do?




What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.

What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.




What, are you stuck on stupid.

What, are you stuck on stupid.




Whatever!

Whatever!




When all else fails, lower your standards.

When all else fails, lower your standards.




When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?




WHEN GOD MADE MAN, SHE WAS ONLY JOKING.

WHEN GOD MADE MAN, SHE WAS ONLY JOKING.




When I die bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass.

When I die bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass.




When I married 'Mr. Right,' I didn't know his first name was 'always.'

When I married 'Mr. Right,' I didn't know his first name was 'always.'




When i want your opinion i'll beat it out of you.

When i want your opinion i'll beat it out of you.




When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.




When life is bad...keep your head up, that way you don't see all the shit you've stepped in.

When life is bad...keep your head up, that way you don't see all the shit you've stepped in.




When The Chips Are Down, The Buffalo Is Empty

When The Chips Are Down, The Buffalo Is Empty




When there's a will, I want to be in it!

When there's a will, I want to be in it!




When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.




Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?




Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?




Where is this porn?

Where is this porn?




Where There's A Will, I'm In The Way.

Where There's A Will, I'm In The Way.




Where there's a will there's a BEER!

Where there's a will there's a BEER!




Where there's a will, I want to be in it!

Where there's a will, I want to be in it!




Which came first, the woman or the department store?

Which came first, the woman or the department store?




Who are these kids and why are they calling me MOM?

Who are these kids and why are they calling me MOM?




Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?.

Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?.




Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?




who needs this crap.

who needs this crap.




Who put a stop payment on my reality check?

Who put a stop payment on my reality check?




Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?




Who's Your Daddy?

Who's Your Daddy?




Why am I so thirsty when I drank so much last night?

Why am I so thirsty when I drank so much last night?




Why are girls that way?

Why are girls that way?




Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?




Why be normal?

Why be normal?




Why can't women learn to put the toilet seat back up?

Why can't women learn to put the toilet seat back up?




Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they wouldn't shit on stage.

Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they wouldn't shit on stage.




Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?




Why do they call it a bumper if your not going to use it?

Why do they call it a bumper if your not going to use it?




Why do we believe everything we see in newspapers but question what the Bible says?

Why do we believe everything we see in newspapers but question what the Bible says?




Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?




WHY ME?

WHY ME?




Wink, I'll do the rest!

Wink, I'll do the rest!




Without pain and suffering you have no choice!

Without pain and suffering you have no choice!




Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!

Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!




Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.




Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.




Wouldn't it be nice if there were an Escape key for all of our problems?

Wouldn't it be nice if there were an Escape key for all of our problems?




Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.




YES this is my truck, NO I won't help you move!.

YES this is my truck, NO I won't help you move!.




Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!

Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!




Yes, in fact...my father does own this road.

Yes, in fact...my father does own this road.




Yesterday I knew nothing today I know that.

Yesterday I knew nothing today I know that.




You ain't seen nothin' yet...

You ain't seen nothin' yet...




You Are Depriving Some Village Of Its Idiot

You Are Depriving Some Village Of Its Idiot




You are driving to close I can see your bald spot.

You are driving to close I can see your bald spot.




YOU ARE HERE!

YOU ARE HERE!




You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.




You are right where you belong, behind me!

You are right where you belong, behind me!




You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.

You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.




You can't be late until you show up.

You can't be late until you show up.




You get all this and my dads loaded.

You get all this and my dads loaded.




You have been a naughty boy, go to my room!

You have been a naughty boy, go to my room!




You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.




You Have The Right To Remain Silent. Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted And Used Against You

You Have The Right To Remain Silent. Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted And Used Against You




You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.

You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.




You just lived your best moment, now GO live another!

You just lived your best moment, now GO live another!




You know your getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.

You know your getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.




You went on vacation and all i got was this stupid bumper sticker?

You went on vacation and all i got was this stupid bumper sticker?




You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!




YOU! Out of the gene pool.

YOU! Out of the gene pool.




You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Only Speak To Me

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Only Speak To Me




Your Child May Be An Honor Student, But You're Still An Asshole

Your Child May Be An Honor Student, But You're Still An Asshole




Your honor student deals the best drugs.

Your honor student deals the best drugs.




Your lucky color has faded.

Your lucky color has faded.




Your such a Muggle!

Your such a Muggle!




Your village called, their idiot is missing.

Your village called, their idiot is missing.




You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.




You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.




You're not the boss of me!

You're not the boss of me!
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